And he still, on days when he isn't feeling well, will toss in a short animated movie where the Chipmunks, Alf, Garfield, Bugs Bunny, Michelangelo (the turtle), and Winnie the Pooh discuss marijuana and other drugs.
But that's another story.
After the jump, he'll break down another episode and discuss what makes it good, what makes it bad, and what makes it just outright crazy. This week's theme? David Bowie! ...well, actually, it's how to defeat bad guys by exemplifying the spoiled, prissy nature of the drama queen.
That's right. It's a Rarity episode.
The episode begins with Rarity working on a top secret project, using the only real compensation I've seen for lack of hands (read: magic) to place jewels and gems onto an outfit hidden in shadow. Her front door ringing makes her hide her Top Secret project, and we finally, FINALLY learn that her shop's name is Carousel Boutique. I don't know why, but that always bothered me that these stores don't actually have names.
Her customer is Sapphire Shores, who is apparently a big name stage and show pony who needs an outstanding costume for her upcoming performance (which I actually recognized as a take-off of the Ziegfried Follies shows from the turn of the twentieth century). Rarity, naturally, just happens to have just completed such an outfit, and it is probably the embodiment of what everybody who owns a Bedazzler wishes their outfit would look like afterward.
It's like if Liberace was a pony.
Sapphire immediately falls for the costume, and orders it and five more just like it, only completely different, which presents Rarity with a problem: she just used up all the gems she had on hand for that one outfit. And lo, we did have a plot, of sorts.
The episode proper begins with Rarity and Spike out gem hunting, because apparently Rarity's mystical "horn power" (I really hope there's a better phrase I can use than "horn power") leads her to where gems are buried. Spike, being the only creature around who can dig without need of a shovel that accommodates hooves and mouths instead of hands, digs them up promptly, though he does have to be reminded not to eat them, reminding me of pigs called upon to dig out truffles in France.
I do find it awfully convenient that a pile of assorted gemstones would just happen to be lying in the dirt together, like some wayward pirate got lost and just buried his treasure wherever it was convenient.
I also find it amusing that Rarity's horn also seems to pull her along at points, like the world's most aggressive divining rod.
We get a cute moment when Rarity chooses out one choice gemstone to give to Spike as a snack, but the little dragon is so enamored with Rarity that he opts to instead cherish it forever.
But, Spike and Rarity aren't the only creatures out in the rocky...hills? I really have no context for where these characters are. Several other creatures are watching the two work. I'll confess, that when I first saw what this character looked like, I thought it was a bizarre cat creature. It turns out this is one of the "Diamond Dogs."
Yes, Diamond Dogs. Just like the David Bowie album. This has been confirmed by the show creators (with more Bowie references). Because that's what kids today like, right? David Bowie? I'm sure a remake of the movie Labyrinth is right around the corner.
So as the first Diamond Dog approaches Rarity with an expression that I think I've referenced before, he explains what he is and that he and his ilk love gems. Because of course that's what dogs want in this world. Rarity does her best to politely excuse herself, but the appearance of dog number one's two dumber friends (if that was possible) turns this from being approached on the street by a potential flasher into a genuine kidnapping.
Spike does his best to defend Rarity, but sadly one small dragon and a magical pony are no match for three dogs...though, if Twilight was there, I'm pretty sure she would have taken them. Rarity gets taken down into a large hole in the ground, leaving a distraught Spike behind.
I found the scene where Spike performs his best Star Wars Episode Three "Nooooooooooo" to be pretty funny, though.
Spike brings back the other five ponies (because that's what you want underground, are two ponies who fly). Spike explains the story to anybody who managed to miss the first third of the episode, and leads the ponies to the hole, just to find that the Diamond Dogs (I probably don't need to capitalize the name all the time, but they made the reference, and I'm going to highlight it ) have been busy covering the ground in holes...littering the ground with holes? The ground is full of holes.
Any time a pony looks in a hole, though, it immediately gets filled in by the Diamond Dogs underground. No, I don't know how you fill in a hole from below it, but then again, I'm not a subterranean dog creature.
The holes fill faster than the ponies can find one to go down, and the ponies picture what kind of fate Rarity must be suffering from being surrounded by dirt, which is probably only slightly more dramatic than how she usually behaves. The ponies try to start digging their way down, just to get molested (...no, I really can't think of a better term) by the dogs by having their tails pulled, being tripped, and being pushed over. The ponies have another wavy imagination dream as they picture the dogs harassing Rarity in such a way.
Spike comes up with a plan, though, which involves taking the gem Rarity gave him, tying it to a fishing pole, and lowering it down the one hole that wasn't filled in. We get our third daydream of the episode as Spike pictures himself a) having a chin like Jay Leno, b) a full set of abs, and c) being much, much taller and saving Rarity like a noble knight would.
Of course, something grabs the gem and pulls Spike and all of the ponies down into the ground, but unfortunately the characters have no idea which of the multitude of tunnels to go down, leading to Spike taking us to commercial break with another Darth Vader impression.
Our rescuers wander for a bit when Spike suggests that perhaps Twilight can copy the spell Rarity was using to locate gemstones. Huh. I somehow thought that gem finding was something naturally magical Rarity knew how to do, I didn't realize she probably had her own spell book lying around. That...actually gives the character a bit more depth. If they explored that more in the future, that would actually be interesting.
We cut over to Rarity who's being increasingly harassed by the dogs, first being willing to locate them some gems, only to have them insist she dig them up. This doesn't go over well with Rarity, who insists that she'll dig her way (lightly scratching the ground) due to just getting a hoof pedicure before being dragged down. The other dogs figure that if Rarity won't dig, she can pull a cart.
This is, I'll admit, the moment when Rarity becomes both the worst and the greatest aspect of the show. I've commented in the last episode how hard it is to make something that's intentionally "bad" or "annoying," and where the last episode failed, this episode gets it perfectly right. Everything the Diamond Dogs attempt to get Rarity to do is met with resistance, insults, and complaints. Even while lugging the cart and marking gem locations with a stick, Rarity talks about her mane, working conditions, the quality of the air, the stench, and many other things. Intentional or not, the stupid nature of the dogs also leads to Rarity managing to take out a few of the new guards who show up (one particularly brutal method involves a stalactite crushing two of them).
Her voice drives the Diamond Dogs batty, and they insist she stops whining. That, of course is the trigger. Rarity explains that she wasn't whining, she was complaining. And then she shows them what it means to be whining. If Rarity's being annoying before was her at ten, this is her cranking it up to eleven as a few seconds of her high pitch voice, tempter tantrums, and foot stomping not only makes the Diamond Dogs give up, they promise to do whatever she wants if she'll stop.
So, yeah, here's what we jump to after the cut.
Girl's pretty epic, gotta give her that.
The dogs realize that doing all the work themselves is worse than listening to Rarity's whining, and they harness her back up again. The leader gives Rarity a swift smack on the flank and goes "Hyah, mule."
This...doesn't go well.
Remember I said before Rarity turned it up to eleven? This is probably somewhere around a fourteen.
We get back to the other ponies, who can faintly hear the sounds of Rarity crying. However, they're quickly grabbed by other guard dogs who quickly learn why you don't sit on unbroken horses. With the guards chased off, Spike and Twilight crash into the room Rarity's in...to find the Diamond Dogs in a panic, begging them to take Rarity home.
So, the Diamond Dogs give up Rarity and multiple carts full of gems if it means getting some peace and quiet, and the other ponies marvel at how Rarity was able to beat the Diamond Dogs. As Twilight says, "just because someone is ladylike, it doesn't make them weak."
...Okay, I just realized something about this episode that bothered me.
The Good:
They managed to make a Rarity episode that didn't bore me or make me irritated at the character. Something I once loved in an episode of Burn Notice gets (sort of) recreated here in that, if you're in trouble but too valuable to whoever is holding you and others hostage, make them wonder if it's worth it. Every time she turned up her childish reactions to her treatment up further, I first flinched but then laughed.
It really is good to see Rarity take control of a dangerous situation and come out on top, since the last time she really "saved the day" was...back in episode one, when she gave a dragon her tail as a new mustache.
The Bad:
Okay, is it me, or is teaching children that if you don't want to do something or want things done your way, "crying and complaining more and more until it's done how you want" is a really terrible lesson to impart? I mean, sure, they try to dress it up as "Rarity played to her strengths in a way the others couldn't" and "being girly isn't being weak" but that feels a bit tacked on considering how the rest of the episode went. I think it's the means that bother me, not the ends.
Also, while the Diamond Dogs are a bit better a monster than the cockatrice, it didn't really feel like a huge threat until we started to get an impression of how many numbers they might have on their side. A colony of hunched creatures where everybody has a voice like different toned Gollums doesn't really look that physically intimidating, and the tactics of "pull tails and trip ponies" doesn't really rank up there with "eat a horse in one bite" like the hydra had.
Overall:
Not great, not terrible, this is probably my favorite episode that spotlights Rarity, but it doesn't really hold up with a lot of the other episodes. The leaps of imagination moments were distracting, the back and forth between Rarity and the Diamond Dogs did feel a bit forced instead of her constantly having to up her game just to get ahead. What it gets right, it gets right better than most of the other episodes of the show...it's just the rest doesn't really give it a solid framework to support it.
I still want to know how you fill in a hole from underneath it, though. That sounds like an incredibly useful skill in the right circumstances.
So that's this episode, I'm getting through it! Soon I'll be done with this season, and able to move on to other, manlier things, like laser guns and jet planes and monsters! So for now, let's just see what's coming up in the next episode.
Oh look, it's an introspective look into the world of fashion models and style.
Man, I could be reviewing My Pet Monster, but no, I had to do this.
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