Let's look at some.
For the longest time, in days before the Internet or the sheer number of video game magazines we have these days to hype up sales, it was down to the cover to get kids interested in buying a game. Some of them, like the aforementioned DuckTales game did it perfectly, indicating that it was something familiar (a wildly popular cartoon show), and that it had adventure, treasure, and fun.
This one...pretty much fails on every level. The only thing I can agree with is that there is a bear there, and it doesn't look like he's on a picnic. However, I don't have the slightest idea what a "bovver" is, and if it's his name, then why does he wear a shirt with a "T" on it? Did he go to Tulane University (go Green Wave!)?
For that matter, why is he even wearing clothes? Is he in a room, or is he climbing away from a fire? Is it a sunset behind him and he just has some random magic ladder?
Maybe we can find something better.
Okay, we have some better action this time, but I still have no idea what's happening here. It involves flinging a Frisbee on fire, apparently, and there's a tennis court net, but we also have fist fighting? Was this supposed to be a new failed Olympic multi-part event? Is this the next evolution of disc golf? Are you supposed to hit the other person with your on fire Frisbee, which is why they're wearing chest armor, bike shorts, and shin guards?
And why does the guy in white look like the illegitimate love child of Ryu and Johnny Cage? Plus, look at the arm on the guy in red down below, do you think they test for steroids in this sport?
Again, we can probably do better.
...but not with this. Do I even need to explain why this fails on every level? Or how, if this was a game from Japan, it'd probably be rated M? I don't even know why it would be rated that way, but I can't imagine anything good would come from something named Tongue of the Fatman that came from that country.
...also, is it just me, or should lips just not be that color? That doesn't look healthy at all.
Speaking as someone who actually got to play Mutant League Football before rating systems ruined everything for those of us who felt like we were getting away with something when we played games, this has a certain appeal. Frogger meets football, apparently, with stars so bright that you can see them even with the bright lights shining on the field. Plus, if the image is any indicator, you can have your team squat on the goal posts to block extra points.
Now, granted, it's a Commodore 64 game, so it obviously won't live up to the box art promise, but I have to say I'm intrigued, if only because I want to see a frog catch a thrown football with its tongue.
I remember this game, and there was one thing I never understood (besides why the claymation style artwork looked so terrible).
Are they running together either towards or away from something, or are they in competition with each other? The box never really explained it, and I wanted to know if I was buying either a cowboy version of Double Dragon or yet another game where people just run for competition and whoever gets furthest wins.
Or is one of them supposed to be the bad guy? I don't know!
The biggest lie on this cover is the idea that any comic book from Malibu was a "hit." It's like talking about the "critically acclaimed" movie starring Rob Schneider, or health benefits of inhaling the gas in your car's air conditioner.
It was a fun game, though, from what I remember. Even if it did advertise a character on the back as being playable when he, in fact, wasn't. Shame on you, game.
Dude, I am totally not surprised you're losing if your costume consists of the world's shortiest shorts that ever shorted and a chain around your neck that probably weighs about ten pounds.
Can I just point out, though, that the guy in the background really seems to have no idea how to react to the fact that he's being challenged to a fist fight by a woman who apparently stole her wardrobe from Xena: Warrior Princess?
That is, by far, the ugliest wolf man that ever wolfed out. It looks like the werewolf was actually one of the contestants from the World's Ugliest Dog competition. Does it even have ears? I can't tell if it has ears.
Of course, since the guy in his human form looks disturbingly like ... man, there's a guy who played a lot of villains in 80s movies that I swear that guy is identical to, but I can't for the life of me think of who it is-
Michael McKean! He looks like an uglier Michael McKean!
...man, now I'm actually interested in this game.
Someone who knows Spanish, tell me if this uses the light gun that was used for Duck Hunt.
Because if not, then why on Earth would you even invent this game? And who told that guy on the front that the mustache he appears to have was ever a good idea?
...also, is it just me, but from my understanding they don't throw the clay pigeon towards you to fire at, since firing guns straight up seems...oh, what's the word...
STUPID.
Though I guess you probably don't want to risk damaging that nice structure in the background.
But why would you call a game about shooting clay pigeons "Odyssey?" Is it supposed to be analogy for the epic stories Homer wrote? Is that why there's Greek architecture in the background?
Okay, we need one more, let's see if we can keep the awesomeness alive for our last image.
It was a fun game, though, from what I remember. Even if it did advertise a character on the back as being playable when he, in fact, wasn't. Shame on you, game.
Dude, I am totally not surprised you're losing if your costume consists of the world's shortiest shorts that ever shorted and a chain around your neck that probably weighs about ten pounds.
Can I just point out, though, that the guy in the background really seems to have no idea how to react to the fact that he's being challenged to a fist fight by a woman who apparently stole her wardrobe from Xena: Warrior Princess?
That is, by far, the ugliest wolf man that ever wolfed out. It looks like the werewolf was actually one of the contestants from the World's Ugliest Dog competition. Does it even have ears? I can't tell if it has ears.
Of course, since the guy in his human form looks disturbingly like ... man, there's a guy who played a lot of villains in 80s movies that I swear that guy is identical to, but I can't for the life of me think of who it is-
Michael McKean! He looks like an uglier Michael McKean!
...man, now I'm actually interested in this game.
Someone who knows Spanish, tell me if this uses the light gun that was used for Duck Hunt.
Because if not, then why on Earth would you even invent this game? And who told that guy on the front that the mustache he appears to have was ever a good idea?
...also, is it just me, but from my understanding they don't throw the clay pigeon towards you to fire at, since firing guns straight up seems...oh, what's the word...
STUPID.
Though I guess you probably don't want to risk damaging that nice structure in the background.
But why would you call a game about shooting clay pigeons "Odyssey?" Is it supposed to be analogy for the epic stories Homer wrote? Is that why there's Greek architecture in the background?
Okay, we need one more, let's see if we can keep the awesomeness alive for our last image.
I- that just- it- wow.
I have no idea what this game is about, I have no idea what those outfits are about, and I have no idea what a "megagame" is or what "299 range" means...but I want to play this. Not just because of the ridiculous(ly awesome) cleavage that possibly-android woman is sporting, but the fact that a game simply announces at the beginning "Game Over" just feels like it's throwing down a gauntlet.
"Don't bother playing," it's mocking me, "you already lost the moment you looked at me."
I will find you, Game Over, and I will beat you. I promise.
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