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That's right, it's time for me to make up some arbitrary theme to tie the week together! Not only have I found a theme, I think I've found a theme that will make Thanksgiving week memorable for YEARS to come.
When I was young, something I remember being advised on doing when I wanted to figure out what I was going to be when I grew up was to make a list of everything I ever wanted to do in my life. My problem was that I was always unsure about it because it seemed like there were so many opportunities in the world but there was simply no way I'd be able to achieve them all.
One week I wanted to be a ship captain, one week I wanted to be a fire fighter. I wanted to be an astronaut. No wait, I wanted to be a writer. No, wait, I wanted to be a doctor. No, wait, not on humans, I wanted to be a vet. No, wait, I wanted to be a nature guide. No, wait, I wanted to make computer and video games. No, wait, I was was going to be a musician. No, wait, I was going to make movies. No, wait, I was going to be restaurant chef.
I remained undecided for much of my life, and never really focused my vision on any one thing through high school and even into the start of college. I personally envied the people who were able to focus on what they were going to be from a young age with laser-like precision and focus all of their attention on it while I stumbled around finding out that everything in the world was interesting in its own way.
Except funeral home director. I have no idea what would make someone seek out that as a career.
Now, suppose you found a child who had the following list compiled:
1. Be a professional athlete for American sports teams.
2. Win an Olympic medal.
3. Be a cop.
4. Be a movie star.
5. Be a superhero.
6. Be a platinum-selling recording artist.
7. Get a doctorate and go to law school.
8. Star in a video game.
9. Beat up the biggest professional wrestler on TV.
10. Be a commercial spokesman for Pepsi and other products.
11. Have part ownership of a sports team.
12. Be a real estate entrepreneur.
13. Study directing and cinematography.
14. Perform with Michael Jackson.
15. Be a mixed martial artist.
Even if that list didn't keep going (which it does), you'd think the kid was insane. After all, what single person could possibly achieve all of that?
That's right. Shaquille O'Neal.
Seriously, he's achieved everything on that list and more, and his most recent achievement has quite simply blown my mind.
The man has his own soda brand. Made by the Arizona drink company.
It's official, Shaq might simply be the pinnacle of human achievement. We just need to get a lab coat on him and soon we'll have every disease cured, the energy crisis will be over, and no person will go hungry ever again. I predict within a decade we'll have space stations orbiting Mars.
Now, I could start on his films, his basketball career, his music, or even focus on his video game appearances, but for this week, to get us started, I'm going to spend one day focused on each of the four flavors of Soda Shaq. We're going to go Orange Cream, Strawberry Cream, Blueberry Cream, and end it all with the one that I sincerely hope is the hardest one to screw up, Vanilla Cream.
This is either going to be a gigantic flavor sensation or something else I can rank up there with one of the man's few failings, along with Kazaam and not forcing Dark Horse comics to put him in a Godzilla comic instead of Charles Barkley in 1992.
I'm pretty sure Shaq could've denied Godzilla hard on this move:
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