Worst Comics Ever Written: Superman: At Earth's End

I have read many, many comic books.

I've forgotten many of them over the years, but I'm usually able to recall either the absolute best ones I've ever read or the absolute worst ones.  Certain writers resonate in my head when I hear their names because I either love their work or I've learned to avoid it as if it would actually cause me pain to touch it.

However, much like there are different types of "good" (the ones with one strong aspect, the ones that are masterpieces, the ones that are interesting despite their flaws), there are also different variations of "bad" comics.

There are the ones that are poorly drawn.  There are ones where the story makes no sense, was rushed, or simply abandoned because the fans weren't following it.  There are stories that poorly try to reinvent a character or retcon something from their past.

And then there are the stories that simply get it wrong on every possible level imaginable.  Then then somehow they get worse.

Here's an example of one of the last group.  It's possibly one of the best examples of all time of just how terrible a comic can be without having it actually make you require hospital care afterward.

Let's just look at that cover for a minute.  This comic came out as the sequel to a mini-series that- you know what, it doesn't matter, it pretty much stands alone, story-wise, as well as it can.  However, the important thing to note is that this comic book came out in 1995.  

1995 was not a good year for comic books.  You had the huge Marvel vs. DC crossover battles, where the winners were determined by the fans voting (never a good idea).  Gen13 and Witchblade came onto the scene.  The Age of Apocalypse occurred.  The 44th best selling comic of the year was the "Lady Death in Lingerie" special.

Also, as you can clearly see, we were in to pouches on characters that really didn't need pouches and guns on characters who don't need guns.  I'll admit, I'm hesitant to call that thing Superman's lugging around a gun, since I can't really tell how you'd even USE it.

Anyway, inside we get some hogwash of a story (civilization has been destroyed twice, Superman's 150 years old, and "biomechs" (living machines) want to restore the world by first destroying the "subhuman" species still running around on it) but it seems Superman's having a falling out with his new friends because their first goal is to blow up Gotham City.

You know, the one that's apparently still around despite civilization crumbling twice.  The place that barely managed to keep itself going after an earthquake and plague struck it and frequently got blown up by costumed freaks chased around by a guy dressed like a flying rodent.

Superman and the leader of the "biomechs" get into a fight (fun fact: his name is Ben Boxer, which I think is one of the dumbest names ever), and it all ends with Superman proclaiming, "YOU are an ANDROID..."

Yes, Superman just punched a hole in Ben Boxer's stomach.  In fact, the next panel is Ben standing there holding his "intestines" as they spill out and Superman flies off.

He arrives at Gotham City which-  Hold on.

...if this is "civilization is destroyed twice" Gotham City, I really can't tell a difference between that and "modern" Gotham City except there's probably less crime and fewer lights.

Superman gets attacked by some strange "bat creature" and apparently punching an android in the guts sapped Superman of all of his powers again (just ignore the fact that they earlier state that he was "back up to full strength") and he winds up getting mobbed by strange animal/human hybrids.  Fortunately, a gang of children with chainguns shows up to save him.

It just now dawns on me that apparently the three kids in the lower left panel are supposed to be the post-apocalyptic version of Huey, Dewey, and Louie.    At least, that's the only reason I can think of why it would take three people to complete one sentence.

Superman manages to convince the kids he's a good guy (well, actually, one of the kids just "has a feeling" about him), and they lead him to their base, which happens to be Wayne Manor.  Unfortunately, it appears someone decided to steal Bruce Wayne's body from the tomb that Superman erected for him all those years ago.  Why?  I don't know, it might have something to do with the fact that YOU PUT A GIANT BAT-SYMBOL OVER THE DOOR.

The kids (still on their bikes) lead Superman through Wayne Manor, where apparently nobody decided to steal such items as the paintings of Batman's greatest villains hanging up in a hallway or a display case showing a gun that reads "THE GUN THAT KILLED MY PARENTS."  I guess they all recognized that Batman was just really sentimental about things like guns and evil-doers.  That sounds like Batman, right?

Either that or he needed a reminder about why he dressed up in long johns every night, and there was nothing else in the giant mansion he lived in with his parents before they were killed that would remind him of the fact that his parents were senselessly killed.  Nothing at all.  I mean, besides EVERYTHING.

Let's move on.

Everybody goes down into the Batcave (which is still running on thousand-year atomic batteries just like Adam West designed it!) and the kids lead Superman through twenty miles (?!) of caves to where the vault that their family is in remains sealed.

First off, twenty miles of caves and tunnels?  Gotham City didn't need an Earthquake to destroy it, it just needed someone to stomp really hard in the right place.  Second, a system of vaults set into place to preserve humanity after a great disaster that left mutated freaks roaming the planet?  Where have I heard that before?

...I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

While Superman walks and the kids ride, I should point out a few other things.  Apparently the real bad guys are the "DNA Diktators" (no, I didn't misspell that) who merged Bruce Wayne's DNA with that of real bats, a fact that was established when we first saw the bat-creatures and Superman comments how its face resembles Bruce's and is then later repeated two pages later when they spot some regular bats.

Superman manages to pry open the door to the vault (with his strength still fading, apparently a year in sunny blue skies isn't enough for him to remain at top strength for more than a few hours), and inside is...kinda hard to describe.  I'll let the comic do it.

"A diseased version of Hell."  Because Hell has no disease, of course.  It's such a clean place, and has those little hand sanitizer dispensers on every wall.

Superman fights the giant robot things but isn't able to use his heat vision.  A kid gives him a large pistol, and Superman (who has never used a gun before in his life, as near as I can tell) shoots the last robot down.  Using a gun apparently taxes too much of his remaining strength (maybe he got really emotional) and Superman collapses immediately afterward.

Realizing that Superman needs to rest, the kids get some rope, "tie Superman to their bikes" and head back to the Batcave.

I'm not going to post the picture, but we've seen these kids.  They're essentially on souped-up versions of Pow-Pow-Power Wheels scooters.  Superman's significantly larger than them AND their bikes...so are they just dragging him behind them?  For twenty miles?  Harsh, kids.

Superman bemoans (AGAIN) that he's weakened, and one of the kids offers an idea.

Look at that thing.  LOOK AT IT.

First of all, WHY IS IT IN THE BATCAVE?  Who would even build something like that?  How would you even USE it?  Who put the plaque on there after he died?  Nightwing?  Robin?  Alfred?  Did Superman put it there after he built the tomb for Bruce?  If so, the kid is telling Superman about something he already knows about!

Also, WHY DOES SUPERMAN'S BEARD FORM A TRIANGLE?

Superman swears not to use a gun, and he leads the children against the "DNA Diktators."  Unfortunately, the children start to be cut down by gunfire because they failed to take into account genetically constructed super-guards lead by... wait for it...

TWIN CLONES OF HITLER.

Okay.  I need a minute here.  Let me have this drink of water.

Ahem.  Okay.  Here we go.

WHY WOULD YOU EVER CLONE HITLER?  WHY WOULD YOU CLONE TWO OF HIM?  What possible reason would you have to think that making a clone, much less two, of HITLER would ever be beneficial?  They aren't born with Hitler's memories, you can't ask him all those questions you were dying to know about "what happened in the bunker that night" or "what was Mussolini like" or "Hey, what do you think of this movie called Patton?"  You had to PROGRAM the attitude into them and teach them their own heritage, which is somehow WORSE than cloning Hitler!  You even taught them to make the same stupid mustache!

Superman and the kids take their fallen friends back to the Batcave, and Superman makes a decision.  He decides it's finally time to "end World War II."

Let this image be burned into your memory forever.

(Psst.  Superman.  World War II ended quite some time ago, actually.  They just recently cloned Hitler, and the world isn't in much shape to actually be at war.  Unless you count Ben Boxer, in which case I think you're officially on a third side here.)

...who BUILT that gun?

So yeah, Superman leads the kids into battle again and simply starts mowing his way through "lion-men" (you know, those sub-humans he was so desperate to keep Ben Boxer from blowing up at the start of the story?) and enhanced soldiers in all of two pages, and they chase the Hitlers into their cloning lab.  The Hitlers spout more exposition as they stand in front of cloning tanks labelled "J.F. Kennedy," "A. Einstein," "L. Luthor," and "E. Presley."

They then unleash their "ultimate weapon."

Why does he have meat hooks hanging from his belt?

So yeah, Superman decides to not use the giant gun to kill the mutated monstrosity cloned from his best friend and instead decides to deal with the Bat-creature in the truly heroic Superman way.

He punches it in the guts so hard its rib-cage explodes.

Cause, y'know, HE IS A MAN.

Superman and the Hitlers trash talk each other, and Superman blames Hitler for the entire arms race because nobody had any weapons or guns before the Nazis came along.  That's right, children, the gun was invented after 1941 and there were no wars before then.  The reason we created the atom bomb was because we were so worried that the Nazis were just going to keep on building on pistols and machine guns that we'd never be able to stop them.

Oh, and then the twin clones of Hitler shoot Superman with bullets that actually hurt him, and Superman shoots Hitlers with his giant gun-ish thing.

They carry Bruce's coffin out of the (somehow) on fire cloning lab which, you know, could've been used to help people instead of clone Nazis, but whatever, and they start a huge bonfire.  Superman announces he's dying, Ben Boxer shows up and offers to turn him into a biomech (which he wisely turns down because, after all, if he became a biomech he would no longer be A MAN), and Superman instead gathers up Bruce's body and steps into the bonfire to die.

One of the kids tosses his gun into the bonfire and proclaims that he "hates these stupid guns" and if it weren't for guns, Superman would still be alive.

This is a comic where SUPERMAN used a GIANT GUN to replace his SUPER POWERS to KILL NAZI CLONES.  You cannot give us a "guns are bad" message when you have the living embodiment of super-powered heroism and a desire to save everybody he can carrying around a gun so big Rob Liefeld thinks he's compensating for something.

I just- I- I hate this comic.  I really hate it.  I hate it so much I keep a copy in a box of other comics so that if I ever start saying that there's no good comics out there these days I just pull this out, flip through it, and suddenly everything looks like the next version of Maus or Watchmen.  I'm angry at the writer for not putting any thought into a plot and making glaring mistakes everywhere.  I'm angry at the artist for being wildly inconsistent and not even drawing what the characters are describing.  I'm angry at the disrespect to every single character in the comic.  Yes, I'm even angry about how the Hitlers are written, and when you make me angry at how ludicrously eeeeevil you're making Hitler out to be, you're doing some really terrible writing.

This is a comic that never needed to exist, and made the world poorer with its arrival.

I'd almost recommend everybody read it if so they'd be prepared for when someone asks "What's a good comic book?" you can tell them what it isn't.