If I Was In Charge Of...The Defenders! (Part Two)

Okay, everybody, time to board the HMS Buh-whaaaa? and head off to the distant shores of Weirdland.

Those of you, like me, who are big fans of the Defenders know that the team has had its share of wacky characters.  This is just a partial list of some of the more "out there" members.

Howard the Duck

Dracula (yes, that Dracula)

Charlie-27 and the rest of the future Guardians of the Galaxy

Cloud, a sentient nebula able to take human form who eventually fell in love with another member, Moondragon, and assumed a male form to be with her despite Moondragon later coming out as a lesbian cause comics are weird

So, how do we top that?

Pay attention, kids, and if anybody you know starts complaining that this isn't their Defenders, do what I do, and tell them to get their own blog.

This is gonna be great.

And significantly less whiny.

If I Was In Charge...of the Defenders!

I don't know why, but for today's inspiration for an article to write, I find myself looking back through my archives for ideas I don't think I fleshed out well enough or feel need follow-up on.  Maybe something has changed since then, or I've learned something additional about the subject.

 Let's see here, what article would be good for follow-up...

My review of Iron Sky was viewed a lot, but sadly there's not much follow-up for a movie about Nazis hiding out on the moon.

I'm not really prepared to dig into another season of My Little Pony...

I haven't finished Venetica yet because, well, it's really, really not a good game once you get deeper into it...

Here we go, my countdown of who I'd put in the Avengers.  Huh.  I think I could do more with this idea.

So why don't we take a look at who I'd put on Marvel's definitive "non-team" team, The Defenders!

If I Was In Charge... Of The Avengers! Part Three!

All right, we've reached part three of my Avengers line-ups, and this is the "Top Secret" team, the one nobody acknowledges exists, the one that shuts down villains before they even get a chance to put their plots into action.  We're going to need stealth, we're going to need strategy, we're going to need...

...a blind guy with a jungle cat?

...we'll get there.  First, we need to review the rules!

1)  No more than twelve members.  Any more than that, and we're no longer the Avengers, we're the Shi'Ar Imperial Guard, just localized to one planet which would be the worst Shi'Ar Imperial Guard storyline of all time. 

oh wait

2)  At least half the team have to be members or former members of the Avengers.  If I don't do this, I'm not making the Avengers, I may as well just make "If I Was In Charge of Ultraforce."

3)  Only real Marvel Universe characters can be added.  This means that, despite how badly I want to, I cannot add Combo Man.

So, let's start out with our leader.

1)  Janet Van Dyne a.k.a. The Wasp

 Janet ("Miss Van Dyne," if you're nasty) is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated characters Marvel has had, one that they never knew what to do with, and one whose potential is just languishing while she remains dead (oh yeah, she's dead, but that's always easy to fix).  Let's break down what she has:

1) Size control and flight.  Perfect for infiltration, anyone who can reduce themselves down to the size of an iPhone and slip into a building should always be on an espionage team. 
2) She's a rich socialite who travels the world.  If Tony Stark can get away with showing up around the world, Janet should be just as able.  Fancy parties in Paris or showing up to some hidden event in Hong Kong, Janet's money (or heck, even her on again, off again career as a fashion designer) should be able to get her and a team anywhere they need to be.
3) Besides Cap, I think the Wasp has been one of the longest running and most effective leaders of the Avengers they've had.  She'd lead them through invasions from outer space, Kang trying to take over the world, and even lead the Avengers Forever team for the fate of humanity's existence.

This character should be the Marvel Universe female version of James Bond, not even bothering to go around under a pseudonym, just showing up at a fancy hotel, hob-nobbing, and then busting out the superheroics. 

Call me, Marvel, I'll write that book for you.  I work cheap.

We have our leader, now we need our scientist!

2) Walter Newell, a.k.a. Stingray

 I'm just going to say this, I love Stingray's costume.  Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's discuss why he's our resident scientist.

The man was smart enough to design a costume that a) allowed him to function underwater for extended periods of time, b) deliver strong electrical blasts, c) give him enhanced strength, d) limited flight abilities out of water, and e) take a punch from Namor.   Not too shabby, really.  He also has, at various times, a large underwater complex that he does research from, which to me screams "base of operations."  Another seriously underused character, I'd love to see this guy get brought up to the front lines (even if it is on the secret team and not the primary team) and get a chance to remind everyone how smart he is.

Now, for some brute force.

3)  Jennifer Walters, a.k.a. She-Hulk

She-Hulk not only brings muscle to the party, she also brings one of the sharper legal minds the Marvel Universe has along with it.  Also, depending on when you're reading her book, she's also able to transform at-will to her smaller, more demure "normal Jennifer" self, which would seem to me like a great addition to a team that's all about subterfuge and staying hidden until it's time to "She-Hulk smash!"

Plus, having someone there to say "uh, actually, we can't arrest them yet until we have actual evidence" would require them to actually work through a mission, not just smash open a wall, grab a guy, and throw him in prison like in 80s cartoons.

4)  Invisible Woman

 Do I really need to explain why a woman who turns invisible is great for a covert superhero team?  Seriously?  I didn't think so.

The ability to hide herself and her teammates from enemies as well as provide the strongest force field comics has seen someone who can't punch planets wield, Sue has the experience, is level-headed, and determination that would make her a strong player on any team, but would certainly help be a great mixture of "infiltrator/field leader" when needed.

5) Namora

 

Okay, technically I'm cheating on this one, since she was on a team in 1958 run by Nick Fury, but it first showed up in "The Avengers" so I'm letting it count.  Plus, she's related to another Avenger anyway...

Everybody knows Namor, the Sub-Mariner.  He's the guy who tends to invade the surface world every now and again, was a member of the X-Men for a while, and has a strength that rivals that of the Hulk depending on who writes him.

This is his much better to look at cousin, Namora, who can keep the temper in check a bit more, meaning she's a better team player.

(Has anybody else noticed that so far my three most powerful people on this team are women?  C'mon, Marvel, you have this potential, why not use it?)

Having a ridiculous level of super strength, flight, and connections to all sorts of super-teams across the world, Namora is a welcome addition to this squad, being in place either in the water or in the sky until she's needed to smash in a wall and punch a robot in to orbit.

6)  Doctor Strange

I'm bringing in Marvel's sorcerer supreme in as a bit of a ringer on this squad.  They need someone who can provide information on anything mystical they fight, and his "astral form" is pretty handy for infiltration and spying, but I don't want him on as a full-time member.  Doc Strange is one of those characters where, if you write him to his fullest abilities, then you don't need a team.  When he isn't being written to his fullest abilities, then why are you using Doctor Strange?

I had to have someone on the team who knew magic, and as much as I love Jennifer Kale, she's a) dead (easy enough to fix), and b) not quite to this level.  Yet.

All right, my "past Avengers (plus one cheat)" are in, so let's see how far out there I can go on the rest of the team.

7)  Sybil Dvorak, a.k.a. Skein

That's, um, quite an outfit.

So, I guess I can get pretty far "out there."  Sybil Dvorak was a character I never even heard of until she showed up in Thunderbolts, first under her old codename "Gypsy Moth" (it was lamer than it sounds), she took on a new role to help Hawkeye save the world (being one of the key people on the team, in fact).  She then felt that she wasn't cut out for super heroics (that and Songbird turned her down for a make-out session, which would depress anybody, I think), but I think this character needs to be more than just some background spots in large collections of characters.  Why?  She has one of the most unique power sets I've ever seen.

...no, not that power set.  I mean her actual superpowers.

Sybil is a telekinetic, but each object she manipulates has a different "texture" to her brain.  Trying to manipulate a concrete block, for instance, causes her much more discomfort than, say, silk.  She focuses her powers primarily on manipulating fabrics and organic material, and before you snicker and say "oh no, she'll attack you with a scarf," I'll point out that she can manipulate up to 120 pounds of material at once.  Look at what you're wearing right now.  Look around to see how many things made of some kind of fabric are around you.  Drapes, carpets, couch fibers, sheets, towels, other peoples clothes are all her weapons against her enemies, and if, for instance, a super-scientist in the Marvel Universe was to make her a costume with extra fabric on it made from something as strong as spider silk?  You'd have somebody who could potentially restrain She-Hulk.

C'mon, Marvel, seriously.  Five dollars, that's all I'm asking to write this book.

8)  Shadowcat

 

Again, if I need to explain why a character who's a martial artist, computer genius, dragon owner, and mutant who can phase through anything needs to be on a covert superhero team, then either I've completely failed you, the reader, or you're just messing with me.  Kitty is a great character, and while she is also helping to run Wolverine's school for mutants, if he can be on eight team books at any given time and still be present enough to matter, I'm sure she can afford to be on one other team.

9)  Nightcrawler

Another "well, duh, of course he belongs on this team" person, Nightcrawler is to covert what Hulk is to smashing.  Now, of course, he's also currently dead, but as I keep saying, Marvel has established that being dead is only slightly harder to come back from than "retired and moved to Jersey."  I think we can work something out.

10)  Abe Jenkins, M.A.C.H. 1-5

I swear, Marvel, you have all these great characters, and no desire to make them as awesome as they should be.

Abner (hee) was once the super villain known as the "The Beetle," and he was probably one of the biggest jokes the Marvel Universe had.  However, along with Songbird and Atlas, he figured out that being a superhero is much preferable to getting your face punched in by Spider-Man on a regular basis, and has since taken what was once a laughable mechanical flight suit and turned it into something that's not quite on par with Iron Man's costume but, then, he doesn't have Tony Stark's budget, either.

Get him a decent lab along with some Avengers technology, and you'll have stealth armors, high-speed armors, underwater armors...what I'm trying to say is that he'd be quite adaptable to whatever kind of mission the team was sent on.

Okay, folks, I promised there would be some weirder additions to the team before I finished, and here they are.

11) Sundown

Who?

David Lowell has only appeared twice in Marvel continuity, and is a character that hasn't been seen since 1997.  I intend to fix this complete and total injustice by putting him onto a team that would be a perfect fit for him, only because I ran out of room on the primary Avengers squad.

...still don't know who he is?  Here's the rundown.

David Lowell worked for Norman Osborn way back before anybody know what a "Green Goblin" was, developing new formulas based on photosynthesis and other plant traits.  When Osborn shut him down, he wound up having some of his formula splashed on him before he stumbled into some lamps (isn't that always the way?)  The result gave David what we call "ridiculous" levels of super power, with the stipulation that he absorbs light from around him (in his first appearance, he pretty much turned New York City during midday into late evening levels of light).  As for power levels...well, here.

That's him shrugging off attacks from the X-Men, Fantastic Four, Doctor Strange, and the Avengers (including having Thor's hammer bounce off him), all at once.  To be fair, he was rather upset at the time and had been provoked by Spider-Man into his rampage, but after he accidentally hurt someone dear to him, he promptly surrendered and turned himself in.

Fun fact, he's one of the only characters I know who served an entire prison term in comics history, out of sheer guilt from what he did.

Once out, he again met with Spider-Man to take care of a mob boss threatening him, and decided to simply "fade out" of everybody's view to try to have a normal life.

I say "hogwash" to that.  Get someone with ridiculous powers, with a keen sense of how dangerous power can be in the wrong hands and how easily people could get hurt, and nobody remembers him and have him be your "big gun" on the team?  What better way to keep your Avengers team "secret" than to have the person punching out super villains be somebody they won't even recognize if it weren't for the fact that he just robbed the entire area of any natural light.

A dollar, Marvel.  I'll write this book for a dollar.

Well, surely that can't get stranger than tha- oh, here we go.

12)  Tagak, The Leopard Lord

Look, Marvel, I'll write this book for free.  Hell, I'll give you a dollar.  Just call me!

Where to begin?  Tagak (introduced way back in 1970) was an other dimensional hunter/officer, chasing criminals from his home "mirror dimension."  He was essentially blind, by our standards, but could see through the eyes of his leopard familiar a-

No, wait, come back!  Seriously, just listen, it'll all make sense in a minute.

So anyway, his primary means of transportation is to teleport from mirror to mirror an-

I SAID COME BACK, DAMMIT.  NOW SIT.

Ahem.  Anyway, Tagak is one of those "zen" type characters. loathe to spill blood and hates to engage in violence when it's not necessary.  However, he's an unstoppable, implacable hunter of criminals and he has a strong sense of justice and what it means to do the "right thing."

Wacky powers and a moral sense that would make Captain America proud?  How could I not include him on a team?  Plus, he has a giant pet leopard.  Only in comics, people!

So there it is, my set-up for the team of Avengers so covert and under the table, even they wouldn't recognize themselves!

In case you feel I've been spending way too much time eating those mushrooms I found in my back yard, be sure to let me know in the comments section below, along with the clearly obvious reasons why your favorite character should've been included in one of these teams.

I promise to read them and then either commit seppuku over my clearly flawed planning (not likely) or simply shrug it off as "well, that's your opinion" (more likely).

If I Was In Charge... Of The Avengers! Part Two!

Last time in this blog, I established my picks for the premiere team of Avengers.  However, there's at least one other team running around with that title, because Marvel likes to milk a franchise realized that there's enough threats to the world, and they certainly have enough heroes running around.

So, this is where I put my B team.  This isn't to say they aren't as great as heroes (in fact, a couple of them are some of my favorites), but either their role was already taken on the premiere team, or I simply figured they might be more useful fighting A.I.M. or the Masters of Evil as opposed to the next time a Norse goddess of death starts making trouble.

Let's review the rules:

1) No more than twelve members.  Any more beyond that, and it's the "Be A Defender For A Day" storyline, and while I love seeing superheroes get excited about the opportunity for horseback riding, we don't need to revisit that storyline.

2) Half the team need to have been Avengers before.  Otherwise, I'm just making the new Force Works...wait, no, even that was made up of former Avengers.  ...okay, it's the new Turbine and the Right-Riders.

3) I have to stick to actual characters who I can prove existed, and it has to make sense why they'd join the team.  So unfortunately, I won't ever be able to bring a super-powered Nathan Fillion onto the team, no matter how much I plead with myself.

So, first things first, we need someone to lead this team.  Someone who can keep track of

1) Black Panther

Now, there are people who wonder what the Justice League would be like if it was run by Batman (overtly, I mean, not just the "well, we elected X as our leader, but when Batman speaks up everybody automatically clicks their heels" stuff they frequently do).  Having an Avengers team run by the Black Panther would be like that, except a bit more awesome.  T'Challa (so named after a misspelling of an African egg bread, if I remember my history correctly) is to planning what Captain America is to patriotism.  The man is a tactician of the highest order, not only managing to rule a nation that for years contained the single greatest natural resource any comic book universe ever had without having wars over it every year (up until one involving Dr. Doom, but while the end result was interesting, the path to get there was a bit sloppy), he's the man who was able to seize control of Tony Stark's entire business empire with one phone call and, well, he also had this just lying around:

My Galactus contingency plan consists of two parts: crying and blubbering.

T'Challa is someone who would know his team's strengths and weaknesses, study every villain they could possibly face, and have a plan in place for his group to win within the first few minutes of whatever attack might occur.

Next up, we need our scientist!

2)  Hank McCoy, a.k.a. The Beast

So I guess this is what he's supposed to look like now?  Okay, fine, still better than "cat face."

The only reason Hank McCoy didn't make it onto my earlier team was that I felt it needed a bit more international flavor, so I put Sasquatch on it.  The man is a consummate X-Man and Avenger, able to function on any team he's placed on, and is one of the more brilliant minds the world has in terms of technology and biology.  He's also powerful enough to hold the line in battle, and he's pretty easy to draw since any time a new artist comes along and wants to change something, "whoops, he mutated again!"

The other key reason to keep Hank on a team that probably won't be fighting interstellar invasions every other week is that he's also a key staff member of Wolverine's current school teaching young mutants how to be better, well, themselves.  I don't want to take him away from that, so he can simply commute back and forth from Avengers Mansion to Westchester.

Now, we need some brute force.

3)  The Thing

I stated once before that it makes no sense for Spider-Man to not be on an Avengers team seeing as he's teamed up with pretty much everybody from Howard the Duck to the Silver Surfer.  Now, the other person who starred in the other massive team-up book Marvel put out for years?

Benjamin J. Grimm, the ever-lovin' blue eyed Thing.  Where Spider-man's power set makes him adaptable for any situation, Ben is simply, at heart, the ultimate team player.  He'd function just as well with Power Pack as with the Guardians of the Galaxy, has the biggest heart in comics, and enough power to make most villains seriously reconsider a better job with a reliable dental plan.  He's been an Avenger as of late, and could easily split time between whatever the rest of the Fantastic Four are doing and this group.

Besides, just like how Thor makes everything he says sound regal, there's just something certain about who's going to win a fight when you hear "It's clobberin' time!"

4)  Iron Fist

 Another person who's been an Avenger in recent years, Daniel Rand is like if Bruce Lee and Bill Gates made a clone and then taught it how to punch dragons in the chest to get superpowers.  He's a great addition to any team, because not only have I locked the "close combat expert" role on the team, but I've also supplied a major source of funding for the team's exploits.  Granted, up until the Immortal Iron Fist comic a few years ago, I had always written him off as a one-gimmick horse, but that book and his Avengers appearances have shown me I was much too quick to judge this character.

5)  Vision

Not too long ago, I discussed how Hawkeye is a character who made being an Avenger his whole life.  But, I'll admit, there are times we get to see him outside of his costume, and even times he's left to try to have some semblance of a personal life.  And for him, it makes sense.   But, we do have one more character who made being an Avenger their entire reason for existence, and that's the good comic book android (don't get me started on the Red Tornado) named The Vision.

Also, we're going to revisit that whole "redemption" theme here, since the Vision was originally created by super-evil robot Ultron to destroy the Avengers, and was actually named by Janet Van Dyne, a.k.a. The Wasp when he first appeared (she had a knack for that, since she's also the one who came up with the name "Avengers.")  Having rebelled against his "father," Vision has been a regular member of the team, who only flipped out and had to be taken down by his teammates once, which is more than I can say about some characters.

The Vision brings a unique power set to the team, and also makes for a great field commander, able to relay commands from the Black Panther as well as analyze and adapt to situations as they occur.  He's a valuable addition to an Avengers team, and on this one we won't have any of that "sure, Doctor Doom was controlling you, apparently, but I still don't forgive you for using me to murder people" drama currently happening in Marvel's books between him and Scarlet Witch.

6)  Hercules

 Thor, as I pointed out, allowed you to bring mythology and magic into the book with little to no effort.  Hercules does the exact same thing, which is why he was actually one of the first picks I made to be on this team.  Now, this is the "not godly might" Hercules that was last seen running around in the Marvel universe, but I actually like this version a lot.  Having him fall back on the combat skills he picked up through his long life, but adding the fact that even a weak super villain could challenge him added a nice twist.  He has a strong working knowledge of the various pantheons of the Marvel U, and has access to some pretty impressive magical devices that could serve as interesting plot points.

Plus, Incredible Hercules is one of my favorite comics of the past twenty years, so, I had to put him somewhere.

Okay, I have my established characters in place, time to wander a bit and see what strays I can pick up.

 7)  Iceman

Bobby Drake doesn't get enough respect.  He was one of the original X-Men, meaning he's been doing the whole "superhero" thing longer than most Avengers have been, and he has a power set that's almost completely unique to comic book universes.  He's a keen team player, very knowledgeable in different ways to use his powers (that's a fancy way of saying "adaptable"), and has also been one of my favorite characters in comics, so that's an automatic buy-in.

Now, he's also a regular teacher at Wolverine's school, so I figure he can commute in on a giant ice slide with Beast.

8)  Polaris

Now, I just know that somewhere out there is someone going, "Gee, Erik, we have a furry scientist, a god/demigod, and now one of Magneto's offspring on an Avengers team?  Way to copy yourself."  To that, I say nothing, because I can't hear that person and they're silly for talking to their computer.  But if I did hear them, I'd say that Polaris, while yes, she is Magneto's daughter (again, this tends to be of some debate in-continuity), has such a unique power set that any team would consider her an asset.

And besides, so often her name only comes up following "Havok and" that it'd be really nice to let the character grow on her for a bit, out of the shadow of the younger Summers brother.  I really want to see what happens when a writer gets their hands on this character and doesn't have to deal with her boyfriend moaning about working for the government, or how teams don't respect him, or how Scott always gets the spotlight.

Besides, she's also gorgeous, and this team needs something better to look at than the ever-changing Hank McCoy.

9)  Atlas

Another former Thunderbolt (gee, maybe I am making the same teams?), Atlas started out with Songbird as part of the newly-formed Masters of Evil, trying to impersonate heroes after the Avengers and Fantastic Four were both presumed dead.  He had a slightly rougher transition to being a fully-fledged hero (he still felt strong loyalty to Baron Zemo for saving his life), he did eventually become a good guy in his own right.

And then things went downhill during some weird recent Avengers storyline where he felt the Avengers were "bad" somehow.  Yeah, like I frequently tell the people on the phone trying to "reduce my credit card debt," I ain't buying it.

Besides, at least one of the two majorly public Avengers team needs someone who grows big, and I'm certainly not putting Hank Pym on these teams (I like the guy, but his appearances just ask for trouble and disturbing images).

Okay, so we've drifted somewhat through the universe, and now it's my favorite part...picking out the obscure, the bizarre, and downright brilliant choices I have to fill out the roster.  Let's start with a fun one.

10)  Black Mamba

I don't care if it means she has to wear black plastic trash bags all the time, I want her on a team book.

Black Mamba started out as a super villain (whoops, there's that theme again) who gave up the life of crime to become part of the "B.A.D. Girls," the most 90s team of female "super-powered agents for hire" you could think of.  It was Pamela Anderson's V.I.P. without the deep intellectual story lines.

However, that isn't to say there isn't a fascinating character here.  See, Black Mamba is one of the few characters in the Marvel Universe who's able to tap into the "darkforce dimension," a possibly sentient dimension of energy that might or might not be evil, which she uses to cloud the minds of her opponents, allowing limited mind control or forcing them to black out.  That's awesome.

She would easily add something special to the team (okay, besides her...physique, we'll call it), and would add that nice bit of conflict when you have one team member who doesn't quite hold the same ideals as everybody else but still wants to do the right thing...even if it means cutting a few corners.

At least, until she gets set straight and learns to be a real hero, that is.

11)  Veda

 Maintaining the theme of "diversity helps you be prepared for anything," Veda was part of the short-lived (and much under appreciated) team "The Order," which was the official superhero team of California for a short time.  Having been a former action movie star, Magdalena Neuntauben (what a great name) was picked to be given superpowers, ending up with the ability to create "golems" out of any organic material around her.  They aren't as strong as, say, Ben Grimm, but she can have enough running around at once to cover a wide area.

She's kind and generous to a fault (having spent a lot of time helping orphans before becoming a hero, and was actually seriously underplayed in her own book compared to some of the other characters despite having the one power that let her help the most people at once.  In my eyes, she deserves to be brought back and used again.

12)  Squirrel Girl

....nah, just kidding.

12)  Gorilla Man

 

 Comic books are awesome.

Ken Hale was a soldier of fortune who, afraid of dying, hunted and wound up killing the fabled "Gorilla Man", becoming the new version and also becoming immortal.  Because comics, that's how.

Gorilla Man is there for one reason, pure and simple.  He has the brusque "action hero" persona that would  play well against characters like Iron Fist and Atlas, he has the "trapped in a strange form" that would let him connect with Hank McCoy, he would flirt with every single woman on the team, and he'd be willing to sit down to a game of cards any day with Ben Grimm.  Simply put, he blends well with everybody on this team, and the whole "immortal" deal always comes in handy.

Now, he'd have to stop using regular guns in combat (I maintain that Avengers don't just gun down their enemies, despite what some modern writers might want me to believe), but if they can't find a gorilla-hand sized stun pistol somewhere around the mansion, I'm pretty sure one can be built.

So that's my listing for the secondary group of Avengers!  Obviously, I left out your favorite character, but remember two things:

1) I still have one more team left to build, so there's a chance they'll show up there!

2) It's my blog.  So nyah!

Feel free to leave a comment about how I need to stop breathing in the fumes from my car's exhaust pipe for fun, and indicate just how (correctly) wrong I am!

If I Was In Charge... Of The Avengers! Part One!

Every single person who watches movies, reads books, attends plays, or listens to music has at one time or another made the same statement: "I could do better than that!" It's a phrase I've never truly understood, as it seems to question the speaker's opinion of their own work. For instance, if I said I could direct a better movie than Uwe Boll (which I totally could), one has to wonder how my ego applies: do I think I could make a great movie, which would mean Uwe Boll's work is simply average, or is my opinion of my own work so bad that it makes Boll's work abominable? Or do I somehow believe that there's enough of a gap between my own ability and Uwe Boll's that my movie would be great while his is equivalent to the caked-on-the-floor layers of cat urine you see in any episode of Pet Hoarders?

For the record, his is the equivalent of cat urine.

Now, if my experience on the Internet has taught me nothing else, it's that I'm right, everyone else is wrong, so that takes care of the ego aspect of this argument.  To prove I am a benevolent ruler of this blog, I will graciously share what I consider to be the idea line-ups for the three core "Avengers" teams, both the "deals with big threats" squad, the "street level challenges, if you consider super villains based on constillations to be street level" team, and the "shhh, they don't exist cause they're secret" team.

Feel free to submit responses as to why I'm wrong and why the evidence clearly indicates (naturally) that I consumed a lot of lead paint growing up.

Now, the rules:

1)  Only twelve members per team.  More than that, and it's just completely unmanageable.  Unless you're writing the Legion of Superheroes, of course.

2)  Half the team has to be people who were members before.  Otherwise, I'm not making the Avengers.  I'm making, at best, The Champions or The Secret Defenders.

3) No inserting any characters whose secret origin is from one of the fanfics I tried writing during my foolish younger years.  So, apologies to Zephyr, Teshup, and Bloodknifestabber.  (Bonus game: Figure out which one I created during the 90s)


 
So, let's start with the BIG team.  These are the guys who show up to fight Ultron, Ego the Living Planet, and deal with interstellar wars that spill over to Earth.  They are the A-team (not the one with Mr. T or the remake), the guys who, when the chips are down, get the job done.

They're also the easiest to begin with, because you're going to see some popular names here.  Starting with the first three:

1, 2, and 3)  Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man.

It's really quite simple: without these three, you don't have the Avengers.  Sure, occasionally one goes on hiatus or needs to leave to deal with a personal matter, but this set is the embodiment of everything the Avengers can handle.  With Thor, you have magic, Iron Man is technology, and Cap is the human element.   You also have, in that assemblage, a warrior, a tactician, and an engineer, reinforcing the idea that the Avengers is, in of itself, a balanced force that is prepared to face any threat.

Now, I can't imagine the key Avengers team without Cap leading it.  I've tried, and each time I always find it lacking.  Not only do you have a seasoned military mind, but you have the man who, over most other people who have ever been on this team, will be the last one standing when evil is about to triumph.  He is the one person who, right when the bad guy has ultimate victory right in its grasp, will spit in its eye and swing for the fences every time.

Iron Man, of course, is just as essential.  If technology advances as fast as it does in our world, it only makes sense that you need the mind behind the most advanced technology (not including Reed Richards and his "making stuff up as he goes along" science) on the planet to back you up.  Tony Stark is the Mr. Spock to Cap's Captain Kirk.  ...actually, he's more the Riker to his Picard.  But anyway.

Thor, of course, is the big gun you call into any situation.  If it can stand up to the might of the God of Thunder, then it clearly is an Avengers-level threat.  More manageable than the Hulk, and more versatile than any other brawler the Avengers have seen, Thor will lead the way in any battle and, after Cap, be one of the last standing out of sheer determination.

Plus, there's the intimidation factor.  Whether it's "We would have words with thee," "I say thee nay," or"Base villain, now you face the might of the Avengers!" anything that emerges from the lips of Thor carries more weight than if, say, Starfox says it.  He provides that classic heraldry that seems to indicate just how noble the Avengers' spirit truly is.

4)  Hawkeye

I love this character so much.  Not originally, mind you, but after the Busiek/Perez run of Avengers I really understood what makes the character so great.  Hawkeye in unique amongst the Avengers (save for one or two others who have their own reasoning) in that he made being an Avenger his entire life.  There's a new series out right now showing what happens when he isn't in costume, but for a long time there was no other life outside of wearing purple and shooting arrows at bad guys.  Hawkeye put himself into being an Avenger 24/7, even if he was on other teams, in which case he did his best to raise that team to "Avengers-level standards."

There's always that sense that, if the call goes out for heroes, before the summoner can even say "Well, let's see who shows up," Hawkeye will slam the door open and ask what's going on.  He is the best example of redemption the Avengers have (remember, before he was a hero, he was an honest-to-god super villain, one able to stalemate Iron Man without ultra-fancy arrows), and is frequently underrated by both characters in his universe and the people who write him, often enough.

5)  Scarlet Witch

Wanda Maximoff had it pretty rough the last few years.  She went insane, blew up the Avengers home base, rewrote reality, depowered most of the mutant population, then got caught up in a plot by Dr. Doom.  However, she's back in the good graces of most people these days, which is great because that whole lengthy storyline was capital "D" dumb.

The daughter of Magneto, Wanda is another example of redemption, having been one of the founding members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  She and her brother Quicksilver turned against their father and decided to fight for justice instead.  She's also ridiculously powerful, able to manipulate chance and probability on either a micro-level (a bad guy's gun happens to jam) to a ridiculously powerful level (see the above-mentioned story lines).  While it does make sense that you'd want to keep someone who can rewrite reality close by, I think they're done trying to play around with Wanda's sanity, and it comes in handy having a bona-fide mystic on the team to add some additional mystical impact (beyond that of Thor's hammer, at any rate).

6)  Spider-Man

Yeah, I know, there's some freaky storyline right now going on about Doctor Octopus in Peter's body and yadda-yadda, it won't be temporary.  Major changes never are.

So, once we get that silly storyline out of the way, we can get him back on a team he belongs with, having been, for years, the biggest team-up character the Marvel Universe has ever had.  Seriously, he's been on the Fantastic Four, he's palled around with the X-Men, he knows Power Pack on a first name basis, the guy's even visited Ka-Zar a few times down in the Savage Land.  Besides the Thing (who starred in Marvel Two-In-One), I can't think of any other character who's teamed up with more heroes than him and has fought everything from cosmic threats to street thugs.

Marvel was smart enough to get rid of the "oh, he works best solo" deal once, get him fixed up and back on the team already, people.  We ain't buying it.  ...in the figurative sense, I think book sales are actually pretty good right now, but- anyway, that's not my point.


Okay, here's where we start to drift from a classic Avengers line-up.

7)  Songbird

Another story of redemption, Songbird was once Screaming Mimi.  Screaming Mimi was, for all intents and purposes, lame.  Then the book Thunderbolts came along and took and idea that, anywhere else, would be a lame Green Lantern rip-off and made it into one of the best characters of the late 90s/early 00s.  Strong, powerful, and determined, she's lead the Thunderbolts at certain times (granted, during the strange Norman Osborn days), has a strong working knowledge of a lot of the criminal threats that the Avengers might face,

She's also the one person on the team who I think would keep them the most grounded.  If, at any time, the Avengers started to overstep their limits, she'd be the person able to recognize the fastest how close they'd be becoming something they often fought against.  After all, who better to state "hey, maybe we need to step back and rethink this" than someone who served under super villain and successful world conqueror Baron Zemo multiple times?

It's her time to be on the lead team, and I even think it might work for her to study under Cap as a "protege leader."  She's got the chops, she just needs to fine tune them.

8)  Rogue

So, one thing I like about the current Avengers books is that they have people taken from the X-Men and applied here.  One who definitely deserves a shot at being a "big leaguer" is Rogue, who can't get away from mutant drama and Gambit fast enough, in my opinion.

You're probably catching on that, in the Avengers history, there are a lot of people who started out bad.  Rogue's another example of that, having fought the X-Men, mind-wiping another hero (Carol Danvers, who I have no idea what she's going by any more code-name wise) and leaving her in a coma, and has dragged along that "Ah can't touch anybody" drama for waayyyyyy too long.  What she is, distilled down to her essence, is someone who lives to help other people, packing strength, flight, southern charm, and a neat "power-stealing" ability that also works for things like "hey, try really hard not to think of where the bombs are planted while I honk your nose."


9)  Banshee

Theresa Rourke, formerly "Siryn" is the daughter of deceased X-Men member Banshee who later decided to take on her father's name because banshees have always been women and his name never made much sense to begin with.  She shares his mutant gift of having a sonic scream that hits like a freight train and allows her to fly, as well as some subtle tricks she can pull with her voice to manipulate people.

Yes, this does make two sound people on a team if Songbird is around, but I also have several people with super-strength, and nobody is complaining about them.  Songbird and Siryn use similar power origins in completely different ways, allowing enough versatility that in this case I'd allow it.  She's also an established hero, having served on several X-teams, keeps her cool on the battlefield, and brings one more amazingly attractive accent to the party.  And there's always room for accents that great.

Okay, those were strange choices...now they get bizarre.

10)  Sasquatch

"Who?"

Walter Langowski, formerly (once I'm done with him) of the team Alpha Flight, is one of Canada's premiere superheroes.  Now, here's one thing I want in my version of the "premiere" Avengers, and that's a bit more international flavor.  You can't really be "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" if everyone on your team is either from America or Asgard (granted, you get the occasional Russian who speaks with a perfect American accent or a guy from a made up country in Africa, but it's still predominately "USA! USA! USA!").

With Wanda we get some of that Eastern European flavor, Theresa's decidedly Irish (and comes with her own haunted castle!  Someone needs to remind Marvel about that!), and Walt would fill in the hole for someone being from our neighbors to the north.  He's a keen scientific mind who also happens to turn into a giant, shaggy beast who punches holes in walls like they were made of paper.  He's also a neat tie to some long-ignored story lines, like the "Great Old Ones" that exist in the frozen north, and perhaps with some Avengers back-up they could finally shut down that ridiculous "Weapon X" program that keeps turning people into weapons.

11) Radioactive Man

Okay, now you guys must think I'm just messing with you.

Chen Lu was, up until a short time back, a major villain threat that the Avengers frequently faced.  He used to go mano-a-mano with Thor, was part of the original Masters of Evil, and fought everybody from Spider-Man to Iron Man...but here's the thing.  On his own, he's never really been evil.  He once joined a few Russian super villains in Vietnam, trying to be superheroes there (before a confused mix-up with the Avengers happened), and also served, quite well I might add, as part of the Thunderbolts, which is all about (here's that word again), redemption.

With China being so key in the world scene right now, I really don't think you can justify having 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes" not try to include someone from that country, and who better than a villain who seems to honestly be trying to make himself a better person in a changing world?  I mean, really, it's not like they're going to get any stranger than this, right?

12)  Ginny Mahoney (no codename)

Poor girl's suffering from a bad case of "90's Art"

Sit down!  I promise, this makes sense!

Ginny Mahoney was a throw-away character, introduced in an issue of X-Men Unlimited as a young woman turned into a prime sentinel (it involves nanotechs, don't worry about it, the storyline was very silly) trying to hunt down and capture/kill mutants.  However, upon realizing that she was more of a threat to civilians around her than the mutants she was hunting, she managed to override her own programming (something nobody else who was a prime sentinel ever managed to do up to that point) and fled the scene.  Now, to be fair, the last page of the comic indicates she was shot in the head by super villain Bastion and "was never found again."

But considering how often "forever" works in comics, I think we can just ignore that, don't you?

That "redemption" theme would come back into play again, as someone who is constantly fighting against a power inside of her that was designed solely to hunt and kill a specific group of people, and there's just added drama when it happens to be people you're on the same team with.  It would be a constant challenge, at first, to prove that she's more than what she was programmed to be, and that she deserves the second chance she's been given (something Rogue, Hawkeye, and Songbird would all sympathize with, I think).

Plus, won't it be nice the first time the Avengers have to fight an X-Men villain, they'll have someone on the team who can say "Oh, yeah, I was created to fight against people like you...non-lethal, of course..."

So that's my pick for the primary Avengers team.  Some of the old guard, some established heroes, and a few newbies to help round it out.  Before anybody cries out "how could you leave out X or Y or ZZZZZeeeeeeeeee," let me point out I'm not done yet.  I still have two more teams of Avengers to build, and believe me, they're going to get stranger from here!

(If you do wish to complain, of course, you can always send me an email telling me that my choices prove that I spent too much time drinking from that creek downstream from the chemical plant or leave a comment below!)