Let's Talk: Yankee Swaps and White Elephants

People, we need to talk.  I know people like having fun around the holidays, I really do.  I like having fun as well.  But we, as a collective species, need to stop the horror that is the Yankee Swap.  I, personally, have a theory that there is alien life watching us, and every year they see people start to celebrate togetherness and caring, whether it's from Christmas, Ramadan, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, or those random people who are just really, really into Boxing Day.

They debate whether or not to invite us into their galaxy-wide community, thinking that maybe, maybe we're emotionally and intellectually ready as a people to accept life beyond our little blue marble, one of the aliens on the review board will state, "well, at least they don't have any events around the holidays that encourage people to be mean-spirited to those they care about and act out of spite and selfishness during what's supposed to be a moment of giving."

Then the aliens who suggested Earth be included in their society get really awkward looks on their faces and shuffle their feet a bit, and the review board alien states "Oh, krazlop (it's a real alien swear term, look it up), they still do that Yankee Swap thing, don't they?"

And thus, once again, our place among the stars is denied us.