Law Enforcement Guide To Satanic Cults

This is a real thing, everybody.

Personally, I was really hoping that this was a guide to "Satanic Cults" in the same sense that a guide to guns, cars, or computers would be "how to use them as an effective tool as you fight crime."  It'd be like how cops often use informants or moles in gangs to get information to prevent major crimes, or how so many TV shows these days include someone who is clearly not a cop consulting on cop cases with their unique brand of intelligence.

After all, if a successful show can be drawn from a pair of fake psychics, multiple crime writers, convicted con men, slobbering dogs, and children, why not a Satanic cult using their knowledge and skills to help fight occult crimes?

Call me, Hollywood, this pitch just gets better.

But in the meantime, here's my look at the actual training video for cops teaching them how to recognize and handle Satanic cults in America.

Needless to say, this was recorded back in those dark, Satanic times of 1994.

Yes, all the music is on a synthesizer, why do you ask?

Review - The Matador

So, yeah, reviewing the Street Fighter movie wore me out to the point that I really didn't have anything planned for today.

I mean, sure, I have projects I'm working on, and there's always the other Street Fighter movie, and I'm almost at my 600th post, but today...I just hit a wall.  I had nothing really jump out at me as something that would be simple and enjoyable to write about.

Then it hit me.  If I'm trying to make this easy, it means I don't want to try.  I also spotted a movie I watched not too long ago and completely forgot to review while it was still fresh in my mind.  Strangely enough, I do remember almost all of it pretty clearly, so I think I'll discuss it.

Here it is, the best movie to ever star Pierce Brosnan.

Street Fighter: The Movie - Part Two

I was not prepared for what I was getting myself into with this project.  I thought "hey, wouldn't it be fun to watch a movie that I know is big and dumb but still kind of fun?  Wouldn't it be great if I just did reviews of video game movies?"

And to think I have both the Chun-Li movie waiting in the wings for after I finish this one.

I did not really think this through.

Where did we leave off?

Oh right, the fate of the world rested in the hands of Jean-Claude Van Damme, a pop star, and Not T. Hawk.

Let's get back into it.

Street Fighter: The Movie - Part One

Video game movies.

I really don't need to say much more than that.  We just had another movie based on the Hitman franchise come out, and it's currently pulling a score on Rottentomatoes on par with the new Fantastic Four movie.  You'd think making a movie about a bald guy who goes around shooting people would be pretty easy to make, but apparently they just can't find a way to make it work.

I think it's telling that the highest-rated video game movie on Rottentomatoes is Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.  Granted, I liked that movie, but I know I'm in the not very vocal minority there.  Next up is the Prince of Persia movie and then you know what's in third?  Here's a hint, I took two days to review it.

That's right, that movie came out ahead of both Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil.

But there are certain video game movies people talk about when they talk about video game movies.  Super Mario Bros.  Mortal Kombat (and the awful sequel).  Tomb Raider.

And then there's this one.  This one always gets a bit of a pass because it was the last film Raul Julia ever worked on, but I remember enjoying it slightly even before I really knew to appreciate his work.  There was just something about it that I thought was pretty great when I was fourteen years old.

I'm sure I'll think of it.

So let's start watching.

Black Science

It's strange, but for how much I love comic books and think they're an important storytelling medium on their own merit, I sure haven't talked much about comics that weren't pretty darn terrible.  This is a shame, because people I know (and worth with) will know I keep digging comics out of my bookshelf and throwing them at people to get them to read them.

So, on that note, anybody else fondly remember the TV show Sliders?  I'm not joking when I say it was my favorite thing in the world when it was on the air, and I used to dream about the ability to visit alternate worlds and see amazing things with the help of a remote control.

Having now read Black Science, I think I'll wait for someone else to map out the good parts first.

Song of the Sea

In a strange way, Tomm Moore reminds me of the early days of Hayato Miyazaki, frequently regarded by anybody who's ever seen one of his movies (or just wants to sound like they know what they're talking about) as the greatest animated filmmaker with the possible exception of Walt Disney.  It's not that all of his stories are necessarily the most amazing things ever created.  It's more that there's such a fresh innocence provided by the characters and the fact that it never takes a cynical eye to its own story that makes me mentally compare the two as I'm watching their works.

Both directors have the ability to tell solid stories, but I think it's telling that even some of Miyazaki's early works aren't held as high as a lot of his later work, but even a "not as good" Miyazaki movie is still pretty good.  The same seems to hold true with Tomm Moore, who tells a story that isn't quite on part with stories like Spirited Away or Frozen but stands close behind them by the things it brings to the animated film "party" that other sources don't.

Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers - Episode 15: Search For The Castle's Treasure!

Okay.  I have a frosty drink (root beer), some snapea crisps (truly the food of kings) and I'm ready to work with you, series.

Sure, you hurt me last time when you brought in Whipla- er.  When you brought he He Who Will Not Be Named.

I was just really starting to feel comfortable with you as a series, so to suddenly see that side of you was just really unnerving.  However, I'm willing to give this another shot.

So please.  Be kind.  I've been hurt by animated series before.