I know, I know, everybody is getting really antsy about when the next Mighty Max episode is going to be reviewed. Everybody wants to know when they're going to deal with the underwater zombie threat. Well, it is coming, but first there's something I wanted to address.
Before anybody asks, this isn't my saying "goodbye" to the blog or to anything like that. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my last day at my current job after five years of working there, and it's made me look back at how I've handled leaving jobs, leaving friends behind, and how, when it boils down to it, I've been a pretty terrible friend in the past.
In case anybody is curious, my company recently had to do some rather massive layoffs due to several major clients leaving, this wasn't anything due to job performance or upsetting someone in management (that I know of). I've been told by multiple supervisors and managers that my presence will be missed, and I hope that company does well in my absence.
What I'm truly going to miss, however, are the friends I've made there. Over the five years I've worked there I've built what feel like (to me, anyway) genuine bonds to some pretty special and amazing people there. It might be that I never really had many friends growing up, but the idea of suddenly not having these people in my life on a daily basis (Facebook doesn't count) is the only thing about leaving that gets me even the slightest bit misty-eyed.
However, I don't have a great track record with keeping in touch with people. I've moved multiple times through my life, to the point where, while my parents would insist that the last move "would be the last time," I think I started to suspect that it wasn't going to be the case, and leaving friends behind was upsetting enough that I started to keep more and more to myself. I would, over time, still develop friendships, but they'd be limited to just a select few people.
However, each time I moved, I failed on every level to keep in touch. I had great friends when I lived in Washington State who would be at each other's birthday parties and we would all hang out together at school and out of school. I had a couple of people I was friends with in Virginia, who I'd hang out at the movies with or talk to at school. Here in Maine, I've had some truly great friends, ones who I constantly see update things on Facebook and wonder "why am I not messaging them and saying "hey, let's get together and do something and just catch up?""
It's extremely difficult for me to maintain that connection once the immediacy of the friendship breaks or becomes strained. I get caught up in other things, and when I think about trying to get back in touch with someone, the first thing that pops into my mind is "it looks like they're keeping busy as well with other people they know, maybe I'll ask later."
Except there is rarely ever a "later."
It's never been easy, though, for me to think of things to invite people to do. There are movies, but aside from the occasional big summer blockbuster, it's hard to think of movies I enjoy that I'm positive others would enjoy if I invited them. Yes, I do over think things to the level where I'm determined to leave nothing to chance so there's no awkward "oh, well, I'd like to hang out, but I don't really want to see that movie."
It's something I'm working on, and even small steps such as posting a reply amidst a friend's other replies on something they post is a huge step for me, since I even look at Facebook as private conversations that I just happen to overhear/see. If nobody posted a reply, I feel more confident in posting something than if a person's family has replied and sparked up a conversation, it then feels like I'm butting in.
That's right, I've over-analyzed Facebook replies. There's nothing I can't over think.
So that brings me back to my time at my office.
In five years, I've gotten to know some pretty great people. Some of these people have moved on, but some are still there. There are people I have very little in common with except for a particular interest or sense of humor that I can connect with them on. There are people I've had a lot in common with and I was able to easily talk with them about similar interests. There are people who simply interested me, whether it was something unique about their style, their humor, their hobbies, and I found myself talking with them. There were men and women from the office who moved on who I wished I had gotten to know better. There were people at the office who moved on that I developed bonds to, both out of making sure they didn't overwork themselves to death, but also in having a good friendship chemistry.
In a more personal setting, there have been women at the office I wished I had the courage to ask out. There are ones who I simply figured were completely out of my league, so I settled for friendship or simply being an ear when they needed to vent about something. There have been guys whose discussions were extremely interesting, but I knew so little about the subject matter that I never tried to insert myself in to the conversation or ask a question.
And in a day, I'm physically leaving all of that behind.
I hope that I do better at keeping in touch with people, though. I want to bump into people out on the street, or hear that there's a large group event happening that people will be at that I can go to. I want to be able to just message people I know from work and say "hey, haven't seen you in a while, want to meet up at X and talk/catch a movie/partake in some event that I find interesting?" I want to have the confidence in myself that they'd be interested enough in hanging out with me that even if it isn't something they'd go out of their way to do normally they'd entertain the idea of saying "yes" just so we don't lose touch.
To the people I work with and worked with who I truly consider my friends (you know who you are), I care about all of you, probably more than most coworkers do for each other, but I can't help being the kind of person who develops these kinds of bonds to people. I like being there for people, for providing support when things get hard, and to simply do nice things for someone because I want them to feel appreciated, respected, and cared about.
I'm going to miss you all terribly while I'm not at that office, and I truly hope that tomorrow won't be the last time we ever see each other. I might just need a little help keeping the ball rolling, though.
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