Surely there must be some gold in this.
Well, we're not off to a great start, now are we?
I'm going to pull the game synopsis off of Wikipedia, because this begs for more information.
"Bounty Bob is a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police on a mission to search through all of Nuclear Ned's abandoned uranium mines for the treacherous Yukon Yohan. Bob must claim each section of each mine by running over it. There are a wide variety of futuristic obstacles that he must deal with such as matter transformers, hydraulic scaffolds, and jet-speed floaters and he must also avoid radioactive creatures that have been left behind in the mines."
I take it back, that game almost sounds awesome.
Now, granted, I don't know why in the year 2049 "Yukon Yohan" would would still be wearing those kinds of clothes and wouldn't have on a radiation suit. Unless he thinks that "green is the new gold" and it just needs to be washed off in the river a few times to get it to the right color. In either case, I'm pretty sure "Bounty Bob" doesn't actually need to do anything here. Seal off the mines and say "well, if he's in there, he's already dead."
Let's try to find something a bit more recognizable.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hoo, I needed that laugh.
Here's how awful this game is. I can find multiple entries online for a game called "Razor Racing" but I can't find anything except for a few sales to even acknowledge this game exists. I'm willing to bet, however, that it came out shortly after people realized that the Tony Hawk game franchise was earning a ridiculous amount of money.
But look at the expression on that kid's face. "So...just sit on this box and stick my legs out like I'm riding this thing, and you'll just Photoshop in a different background later? Okay, whatever, I get paid, right?"
...I'm terribly confused about the layout of this building. Is Robocop jumping from a wall out of a window? Are the people below him standing on the wall shooting sideways? Did he use the flamethrower to shatter the window or did he fire it immediately after his upper body went through it?
And wasn't the source material bad enough that they could've just left out the jet pack?
Psst. Don't tell anyone, but apparently Noah can't count.
I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be two of each creature. It must've been difficult to get a kangaroo there to begin with, now he has to put in an order for another one?
Completely disregarding the fact that this looks like it's just a King Kong rip-off, two things catch my eye right away. First is the top of the box art. What is that? Someone's coat was sitting on top of the cover as they made color copies? Is that supposed to be denim? Waterfalls? A malformed zipper?
Second, let's ignore the "HOTEL" and look back at the fact there's a building simply named "MAGIC" with bright pink letters, and apparently it's so magical that a rainbow sprouts from behind it and shoots off across the sky.
I want to know what's in that building. I might not buy anything, but darn it, I want to know what's there.
...oh, I get it, he's ripping off Flash Gordon's outfit.
I like the fact that apparently the last "Rick Dangerous" game was successful enough to spawn a sequel. It's also nice to know that Brad Pitt's hair found a new host body on Reb Brown.
There's just so much there to take in. The fact that he's so "back" that they have to announce it twice. The fact that him being "meaner" is supposed to encourage me to buy the game. Does he do smack talk while shooting people? Does he punch random people while running to the rescue? Does he smear Vaseline on the light bulbs of every building he goes in to?
...so, uh, yeah, I guess that's supposed to be Luigi from Mario & Luigi fame. Plumber, wears green, has a mustache...
I wish I could find out more. All I can really see is that apparently Luigi and "Spaghetti" (a worm-like creature made out of balls) have to repel alien invaders across the world by smashing eggs. Oh, and if you pick up Superman's "S" shield, you turn into SuperLuigi.
And you save Indiana Jones.
No, really, that's all I really get from the game play videos I watched.
Look at it here.
The game was only ever released in Spain (an Italian name and a pasta dish in Spain, makes sense to me), and I guess international copyright law wasn't really built up at the time so nobody could sue.
Words fail me.
Apparently our redhead lead character decides that going into battle with a machine gun that shoots lasers isn't enough, he has to instead turn into "Mr. Universe" era Arnold Schwarzenegger instead. Because, yeah, you really need that extra muscle power to take care of a crab, a bat, and a bug that I can't see any sign of a stinger on. Plus, I'm sure muscles will help you deal with that UFO in the distance. You can punch the sky, right?
But man, how can an image with all that stuff still feel so generic? I mean, you have strange floating eyes, a cringing robot, a dinosaur stopping by to complain about the noise from a rifle being fired at nothing, and that strange blue thing staring up at the hero's tight shorts. Plus, that skull looks horrified about what it can see from that angle.
Maybe all of the creatures are reacting to the boy's shorts. You have four "oh dear god" reactions and one pink crab that's apparently really happy to see him.
...so apparently this is a game where Clark Gable takes on the role of Elliot, and a tiny redheaded woman is E.T.
The best I can tell from some really bizarre videos on Youtube is that you play a woman that goes into random houses and has sex with people. Horribly pixelated 8-bit sex where everybody's the same color and the sound effects are something that would terrify me if I heard them while with someone else.
Oh, and apparently that game I posted before, "X-Man?" That was also a porn game, as if you couldn't tell from the box art.
Okay, let's just get away from creepy stuff and end this article.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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