Monday, June 9, 2014

How To Recognize Your Teen Is Involved With Drugs And/Or Corporate Espionage

Recently, while randomly browsing through the Internet, I stumbled upon the following site.

Needless to say, my brain immediately found every ounce of possible humor in the page, and I am now completely unable to take it at all seriously.

So let's take a look at a teenager's room.

Okay, folks.  First off, I hope you know that if your teen has badly photoshopped drug paraphernalia hanging around in their room, you justifiably have every reason to be suspicious.  They're either involved in drugs, or you are.

Secondly, let's look at some of those things.

Bong, blunt, joint, rolling papers:  Yeah, I can see getting suspicious about whether your kid is doing drugs.  Particularly if they have DRUGS IN THEIR ROOM.  I mean, sure, they could be holding on to it for someone else, but then you need to have tighter control over who they're seeing.

Pipes, Hookah, Vaporizer:  I'd be concerned, but not immediately assume drugs are being used.  The pipes and hookah could simply be explained as your kid being a huge fan of unique items that could be considered art.  Are they big fans of Bollywood movies?  Did they inherit a corncob pipe from a grandparent and just love the idea of fancy pipes?  Don't jump to too many conclusions.

Brownies, eye drops, small jar or empty baggy, air freshener:  Um, there's probably several hundred explanations for these, such as "jars are really great for keeping small things in."  "Eye drops are good after long study sessions or typing long papers on the computer."  "Brownies are yummy, and should only be considered suspicious if your kid is allergic to chocolate."  "That green hamper thing isn't going to do much to keep body odors in, so maybe the room needs to be kept smelling nice."

A Scale:  ...yeah, um, I have no idea.

Large sums of cash & empty shaving cream canister:  Your kid isn't doing drugs.  Your kid is going to die horribly after getting a job doing IT on Jurassic Park.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned about that giant doll head than a scale, empty shaving cream containers, or eye drops.  That thing's just freaky.  Plus, your daughter is a teenager.  Maybe she doesn't want a pink princess bed any more.  Her friends have probably all graduated to "not looking like I sleep in Barbie's bed from her Dream Home."

Mostly, though, I'd be worried about glowing Photoshopped items.  If there's a bigger warning symbol, I don't know it.

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