Ask Erik: Episode Forty-Five

I'm skipping the boiler plate opening with the three random questions because I'm out of ideas for questions the question this week almost brought on another Let's Talk article.  It's one that I think about often, especially now around the holidays.

To Erik: What makes you happy?

...this is going to get deep.

I could simply be snide and say "The Seattle Mariners managing to not lose in a way that's humiliating" but that simply makes me content.  There's fleeting happiness in things like music, movies, and video games, so I'm excluding those...mostly.  But let's get down to some basics.

One of the most trite things I could say is "being kind to others," but there really is a sense of satisfaction and well-being that comes to me even from small things I do.  Whenever people ask "what's the best job you ever had" I immediately go to my time working for a non-profit company in Maine.  My job was managing a state-wide telecommunications equipment program for people who were Deaf or hard of hearing or had other disabilities.  I'd research specialized equipment for them, help them figure out if they qualified to get it for free or for a small payment, and would often go to their house to help set it up.

This is also the job I worked when I was shot at for the only time in my life, but that's a different story.

I would pull ridiculous hours (arriving at eight in the morning, leaving at two the next morning), but it was to make sure that a) everything got filed correctly, and b) make sure I was prepared with what we'd need to order next based on how many pending applications I had.  There came a real sense of satisfaction from that job, one I've been chasing with every other job I've worked since then.

I think it's why I enjoy going a bit above and beyond in other jobs when it comes to helping customers, whether it was helping them figure out what movie to see when I worked at a theater or helping them understand how hospital billing works at my (ending soon) current job.

I also just really feel good about myself when I'm doing small things for people I know personally.  Maybe it's the occasional batch of donuts when I know some of my coworkers have been working really hard.  Maybe it's spending extra time searching for the perfect present for an upcoming birthday or holiday.  Maybe it's just holding the door when someone's arms are full.

When I do that nice thing, I feel better about myself, because in some small way I've made someone else's day better, and I think that for many people how we lived isn't so much about how much stuff we had when we died so much as what people we care about thought about us when we lived.  Each time I can tell myself that, when I go, people will think back warmly about me, I feel better about life.

Now, part of this might have to do with that other subject I've discussed before but I've always found it strange that I get more joy out of being kind to others than having others be kind to me.  I don't know if it's because I've never really been someone who other people go out of their way for or not, but any time someone has done something nice for me, my immediate reaction is to try to think of something I can do back for them.

This is slightly off topic, but growing up I tended to be a "background" person a lot.  I would have a few friends, but I was never really popular or "unpopular," I just tended to be overlooked.  I can remember a few instances when classmates or coworkers would actually forget I was sitting in the group during a conversation because I'd stay quiet and just listen.

This same habit I think carried over into more personal connections with people.  I would always listen to people talk about their troubles and I'd get caught up in trying to help somehow, but I would always get antsy about sharing anything going on in my own life because I already knew other people had a lot of stuff going on, and "worrying about me wasn't something they needed."  (that last bit was definitely connected to the other article).

I was also never really someone that people I knew went out of their way to interact with.  There are some times I can think of when people would attempt to invite me along on something, but a) I don't really do spontaneous events all that well, and b) ...well, read that other article about that little voice in the back of my brain when it comes to being in a group of people.  Usually, though, it'd just be a matter of timing, where I already had somewhere to be or had something I had to do early the next day so I couldn't stay out too late.

I suspect this is partly (read: mostly) my own fault since I came across as "private" or not really one who "shared" but I knew there were times when someone would suddenly call out to me, even just to ask how I was doing, and my expression would be akin to a deer in the headlights.

I think it's this pre-programmed "it's not about me, it's about them" mentality that I have is what helps me get such a sense of satisfaction out of even the smallest favors I do to people, and why I always tend to try to gloss over events for me, whether it's a birthday or something else.

...I've gotten completely off topic at this point, but I think I managed to bring it back around again.  Let's look at other things.

Comedy makes me happy.  Not necessarily crass, "lowest common denominator" comedy, but comedy that requires me to think, even if just for a moment.  I like happy endings, heartfelt moments that seem "real," and upbeat music.  I love exploring new places and trying new things.  I love cooking, but again, very few people enjoy cooking just for themselves, I know I always tend to enjoy it more when I can make good food for other people.

I never claimed I didn't have a squishy warm center, in fact if I said things like "happiness is a warm gun" or the like people would think I struck my head and developed an all-new personality.

...so, uh, yeah, that's what makes me happy.  Happiness in others, even at the expense of my own happiness...which I guess is counterbalanced by the happiness I get from others being happy.  ...this is just getting meta now, so let's move on to things I overthink.

It's Erik Overthinks Christmas Carols!  Today, for the first time, I really listened to the lyrics of Mary, Did You Know?  ...and I was left not understanding things.

I don't really remember Jesus "ruling nations."  Maybe it's a religious thing, or a "God rules creation" perspective, but I've gone back through everything I learned in Sunday school about Jesus...and I only ever remember him being referred to as the "prince of peace" in song (which for years I thought was "Prince of Thebes" or, assuming he was related to Aladdin or Robin Hood, the "prince of thieves.")

Am I missing something there, or is it just a metaphor?