Having instead amassed a vault of useless knowledge stored in his head, Erik instead tackles your questions and tries to find the answers you care about (or a reasonable facsimile). Or, if you don't care, he'll at least try to make you laugh and forget you just wasted time you could spend doing anything else.
To Erik: What music do you hate most?
That's a baited question if I ever saw one.
There aren't any music "genres" I hate. There are some I don't listen to very often (hillbilly country, hardcore gangsta rap, extreme metal), but there's usually always at least one or two songs in the genre I like. Even if there aren't any specific examples of songs I'd choose to listen to on a regular basis, there's usually something about the music itself I appreciate.
For instance, I don't listen to a lot of country music. This isn't to say I hate country music, in fact I think there are some absolutely stupendous artists who are primarily country. Plus, how can I hate any music genre that has songs with titles like "You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly" or "Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone."
I also don't often try to find Truvan throat music, but I'm usually willing to listen when I do find it.
Now, that isn't to say there's not music I absolutely hate. For instance, I have a special blister in my heart for the song Timothy by The Buoys, which is a song (I'm not making this up) about three miners trapped after a cave-in, so two of them eat the third.
No, seriously. Go Google the lyrics if you want to, but I swear this song (which was on the Billboard Top 40 for eight weeks) is about cannibalism.
The song was also written by Rupert Holmes. Remember that, it'll come up again later.
Other songs I just can't stand are what I've heard referred to as "Dead Teenager Songs." These are mostly the "classic" hits of yesteryear that involve horrible accidents that take away someone's true love. The most famous, undoubtedly, is Last Kiss (not the Taylor Swift one) with the heartbroken singer stumbling around with blood in his eyes until he finds and hugs his girlfriend while the paramedics and whoever else was around just lets them without any concern for broken bones or spines or whether it was his cradling her body that actually killed her.
There's also the smash hit Leader of the Pack by the Shangri-Las, Billy Don't Be A Hero by, well, various artists recorded it, but it's famous here for being done by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods.
But these are monumentally better than the one I absolutely hate on a purely intellectual level, Teen Angel, which is about two teenagers whose car stalls on railroad tracks with an oncoming train, but the girl apparently goes running back and dies because she's trying to save the boy's class ring that he gave her. That is so incredibly stupid that the first time I heard and understood the lyrics, I was convinced I had heard them wrong.
(However, that doesn't mean that every song that's about someone young dying is a song I hate. I'm actually pretty fond of Pink's Who Knew)
Now, there are artists and groups I can't stand. For instance, you'll probably never find me willingly listening to a song by Nickelback. Well, okay, maybe that one they did with Santana, but that's because I really, really love Santana's music. But I won't listen to the following artists:
Paris Hilton
Shaggy (seriously, dude, "It Wasn't Me?" What a stupid song)
Bloodhound Gang
Maybe, maybe they'll have a song one day I'll like, or they have one I would like but haven't listened to, but for now, as soon as I hear a song of theirs might ever be on the radio, I go hunting through the stations for Truvan throat singing.
But if I had to pick one song I think is simply awful in every single way without going to something like John Boy and Shawty Boy's Drug That Hoe...
If I keep it to songs that I'm pretty sure everybody has heard at least once before...
Then the song I hate the absolute most is Escape by Rupert Holmes.
I told you he was going to come up again.
Trust me, you know this song.
I hate everything about this song. I hate the music, I hate Rupert Holmes' voice, I hate the dancers in the videos I've seen, I extremely hate the terrible logic behind the song's lyrics, I hate everything about it with a passion to the point that if I hear it, I actually feel myself grit my teeth.
I want to scream at people "It's a song about a marriage that's crumbling because they never talk, and when they both try to simply abandon each other and discover what each other was up to, they laugh it off and go home!" You've spent this many years together, and you never knew what kind of drink the other person likes? You're obviously terrible together, and what you should do at the end of the song is agree that splitting up is for the best and go your separate ways!
It's just- I just- man. Just thinking about the song makes me angry. I think I'm going to go listen to some In The Year 2525 to calm down.
Honorable Mentions for Songs I Hate:
Horse With No Name
Thong Song
Bad Day
You're Beautiful
Hooty Sapperticker (Again, I'm not making these up)
Macarthur Park
No comments:
Post a Comment