Sunday, October 12, 2014
Zombie Stripper Apocalypse
I did not know what to expect when I tossed this DVD into my system to watch.
Actually, that's a terrible, filthy lie, borne of utter disregard for the truth in meaning, if not intent.
I knew exactly what to expect when I picked this DVD up at a Blockbuster store that was going out of business. I mean, the cover pretty much explains it all.
There were going to be Japanese women. There were going to be skimpy outfits. There were going to be swords, chainsaws, and axes. There were going to be zombies and strippers (or possibly zombie strippers). There might even be an apocalypse.
I also, looking at the case, knew this movie was going to be awful.
How did I know?
They misspelled the name of the movie on the side of the DVD case.
And yet, while it was all those things...I was also completely wrong.
When created in Japan, the movie was originally called, and I can't possibly make this up, Big Tits Zombie. No seriously.
Note the "Uncut in 2D & 3D." Sadly, my copy was not available in 3D. Here's why.
At some point, two, maybe three people decided to take the movie, dub over it, and release it as Zombie Stripper Apocalypse exclusively, as near as I can tell, at Blockbuster stores.
Now, dubbed over movies are nothing new. Lots of people I know really love Kung Pow: Enter The Fist. I...wasn't a fan. I think I once described it as "possibly the laziest film-making I've ever seen, relying on novelty more than talent." Granted, it did more than just bad dubbing, but still.
There was also the German production of Hamlet that wound up on a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. The quality of that, I think, speaks for itself.
When the dubbed over voices started, I didn't know what to think. A "director's voice" starts over the film giving directions, all the women have the same voice, and it seemed like I was about to watch a total train wreck.
It is a train wreck. However, that's not the dubbed voices' fault. A movie that's 73 minutes long somehow felt the need to have padding by showing one of the climactic fight scenes at the beginning of the film and then airing it exactly the same at the end. It's a movie with not one, but two flashbacks. Most of the acting "talent" features women who star in "adult" films in Japan. Even though the entire movie is completely dubbed over, I'm pretty sure the original film made no sense either. The special effects are cheap, you can see the wires during a dramatic monster scene, they use the same dozen extras as zombies (complete with the same costumes like "geisha zombie" and "Rob Zombie/Slash zombie," and this guy shows up towards the end:
So, what does the movie have to offer?
Well, the movie delivers exactly what it wants to. The women are attractive. The dubbing...well, if you're in the right mindset, a lot of it is actually pretty funny. Sure, there can be some excessive crude jokes about genitalia and sexual acts, but when the humor gets it just right, it nails it. A lot of the best humor works when the voices work with the movie itself. The director's frustrated directions to a cast that doesn't listen, the women discussing things actually happening during the movie, and the sudden appearance of the "don't cry in the boat" speech from The Walking Dead all had me smiling, if not actually laughing out loud.
It's a dumb movie with a ridiculous plot, but I somehow expect that the dubbed version managed to give the cast even more characterization than the original. It knows how bad its source material is, but embraces it instead of trying to hide it.
Give it a watch, just don't be surprised when sudden dark backgrounds, really cheap guts and gore, and even female genitalia that shoots fire all come into play.
Again, I can't make any of this up. Someone else had to, and now we reap the benefits.