Five definitions from the Super Dictionary (with one bonus definition)

For anyone who hasn't heard of it before, the Super Dictionary is a book put out in 1978 that was, essentially, a dictionary for children illustrated with the characters of DC comics.  It's regained some of its former notoriety based on how absolutely bizarre some of the definitions are.

One of the most famous, for example, deals with Superman's nemesis Lex Luthor:

That's four tens!

However, that's not the strangest or most troubling definition in the book.  In fact, that one's rather tame.  Here's five definitions from the Super Dictionary that were shown to children.

TO CHILDREN.




#5.   Drive

Okay, getting past the fact that we are, in essence, seeing Batman bail from a crashing car and leaving Robin to die (just look at him, reaching out in desperation for his mentor to save him), I'm not entirely sure this is Robin's fault. 

I mean, look at the perspective.  Cars can't fly that far out when they crash off of bridges, gravity doesn't allow it.  So, that must be the world's tiniest bridge they just went off of.

Second, what happened to the Batmobile?  That scrape on the front left bumper of the Batmobile I'll believe Robin put there, but I'm surprised anybody could drive that thing with tires that skinny and a frame bent into a "U" shape.

I really don't think this is Robin's fault, Batman.


#4.  Extra

Uh, Lois?  You're a fully salaried reporter at the largest newspaper in Metropolis.  Your headlines tend to make national news since you're usually the one reporting on Superman punching Solomon Grundy into submission or the fact that Lex Luthor is, once again, being a jerk.

So exactly what kind of work are you doing that takes all night to do?  Why wouldn't there be an accompanying picture of this "work" you're doing for "more money than usu-"

...oh.

OH.

Moving on!

#3.  Off

I knew Batman was a strict teacher, but geez.  The kid clearly can't get out of his ropes, Batman, so maybe you should stop yelling at him about how long he's taking and start with something simpler, like a Chinese finger trap.

This feels like some twisted superhero version of "stop hitting yourself."  "Get off the floor, Robin.  Why don't you get off the floor?  You can't get off the floor?  C'mon, Robin, get off the floor.  Why aren't you getting off the floor?"

At least we're away from any kind of sexual innuendo now.

#2. Ever

I spoke too soon.  That...is not a look of terror.  That isn't even a remotely "eek"-esque face.  In fact, if I came upon a woman dressed like a superhero glancing back at me with that expression on her face while on all fours, I'd probably realized I wandered onto a closed movie set in a back alley somewhere (you'd think I'd have heard the "bow chicka wow wow" music) and immediately turn around.

I mean, even if it was some kind of nerdy dream come true, would you really want to do it on what appears to be a warehouse floor with rats running around?  I mean, you have a tiny skirt and ridiculously high boots, so I assume you have a few fetishes, but...

And that's ignoring the fact that she's usually a teenager in comic book continuity!  Everything about this image is WRONG.

So why don't get just get the one out of the way where one superhero's trying to murder another one in a ridiculous manner.

#1.  Engine

"Batgirl had better watch out for engineers like him!"

First of all, there are no tracks there.  Batman has his own ATV locomotive with multiple passenger cars and, I can only assume, a bat-dinner car and a bat-caboose.

Secondly, are we to assume Batman's gone insane and tried to run over Batgirl and she had to leap on top of the engine to avoid being crushed?  Is he out of his mind and driving around Gotham City tearing up roads with train wheels and has to be stopped?  We need context, Super Dictionary!  Context!

I'll be coming back to the Super Dictionary a few times in the future.  After all, how else can we learn definitions in the context of abuse, murder, sex, and walrus baseball?  (Yes, I know what I said, and it's coming).