So yeah, there was once this time...

...that the Juggernaut tried to impress a girl by attending a poetry slam.



Seriously.  There's a short story in X-Men Unlimited #40 where the Juggernaut tries to impress a woman at a poetry slam by writing her a poem.

The whole comic begins while Juggernaut attempts to finish his masterpiece, a love poem devoted to a woman who emcees poetry at a bar he goes to.  However, it can't be just any poem, as apparently Juggernaut is aware enough about the art of rhyme to know that replacing a line with "fluttering soul" would "destroy the equilibrium of the verse" and "the phrasing must be just so."

He even makes a reference to Byronic verse.

Keep in mind this is a guy who was once defeated by jellyfish and thought that grabbing weird gems in temples devoted to evil gods was a good idea.

There are some cute moments, though.  The fact that Juggernaut is writing in what's undoubtedly a not-licensed Spider-Man notebook is fun.  The fact that he leaves a multi-story building by simply walking through a wall and falling is neat (seriously, what's it going to do? hurt him?)   Plus, I'm curious where he bought a tie that would fit around a giant helmet.

Of course, this whole thing doesn't fly with the other members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (worst team name ever...well, almost), and they send Toad after him to keep him under control.

Side note: The fact that Juggernaut's calender consists entirely of different threats against his brother Charles Xavier (founder of the X-Men) save two dates where he attends a poetry slam and goes to a Hootie and the Blowfish concert is pretty darn funny.

Side side note: The fact that the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants keeps a copy of Old Yeller around is something I could spend weeks pondering.  So I won't.

 So anyway, Juggernaut gets to read his sappy poem in front of a bunch of hipsters, beatniks, and college preppies.  It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Toad tries to stop him (determined to not be the only evildoer who doesn't get any action that evening), and the Juggernaut winds up knocking himself out trying to punch out a guy who can't actually physically hurt him.  However, this is after the emcee (the blond woman in the above picture) realizes the poem is about her, and she rushes over to finish the poem and gush about how romantic it is.

And that's not the most bizarre part of this story.  The most bizarre part is the ending where a woman asks Toad to "show her how he does that thing with his tongue."

Yeah, that's going to keep me awake at night in terror.